


Everything and more

by Shadowsof_thenight



Series: After the war [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Infinity War, Drabble, Gen, Lost friends, Pain, References to Depression, Sadness, painful memories, short insight in Natasha's mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 12:27:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17939708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowsof_thenight/pseuds/Shadowsof_thenight
Summary: Shortly after the snap, Natasha finds herself alone in the woods and she can finally let her emotions out. (Short drabble of sorts)





	Everything and more

“I did everything I could!” Natasha shouted out the words as she stood in the howling winds that carried away the sound. Her tears mingled with the rain as it pelted down on her. Her hair was sticking to her face and her clothes were soaked, a slight shiver ran through her body as the weather cooled her down significantly. 

She stood on the top of a hill in the middle of the forest. Even without the rain and wind there was nobody around for miles to hear her screams. And that was the exact reason that she was here, in this horrid weather. This was the only place that she allowed herself to feel it all. The only moment that she could let all her emotions out and let them get the best of her. Even if only for a moment. 

Natasha knew she had to unleash it now. While she was alone. While she could finally let go of the mask she wore on every other time of day. She needed to cry her tears, scream into the void and feel all the emotions she needed to feel. Then she would have to pick herself up and get it together. So she could make a plan to fix all that had happened to them. And she would need to do that while she was calm and collected, because her friends couldn't. She knew she needed to be strong for them. 

Steve was crying, Thor was quiet and Clint was raging. Even Bruce could not get through a single sentence without emotions overwhelming him. And that weird raccoon seemed lackluster as well. He barely spoke at all, only to snap at others. Then again, she had no idea if that was different from his normal attitude in life. It was clear though, that they were all he had left and therefore everyone tried to take the hits he dealt as best they could. 

Again she screamed and kicked at the ground before punching a tree. The pain in her hand eased the pain in her heart for a single moment. A blissful single moment. Soon it was over and her mind flashed back to all that they had lost. To who they had lost. 

She saw the smiling face of Wanda, heard Sam's boisterous laugh and saw Peter's dancing figure. She saw T'challa and Bucky. Vision and Shuri. Maria and even that ant-man. Though she barely knew him. She imagined Fury cursing loudly before he blew away in the wind and Tony telling stupid pun's as he turned to dust. 

She could see all their faces and she cried. She screamed and cried. Natasha was sad, surely. But she was also angry. At everyone and everything. Though mostly she was angry at herself. She thought about all that had led up to the snap. And all that had gone wrong. And she could see her own fault. Her mistakes. Her failures. She regretted that she had not been able to prevent the rift between Steve and Tony. That she had not been there for Clint when he needed her the most. That she had let her bond with Bruce lessen with time. And she wondered how she could have prevented it all. What she could have done more. 

Because she truly thought that she had done all she could. 

Had she though? Done all she could? Had she given her all? Had she not played a vital part in the rift between the avengers, by changing sides halfway through? Could she had fought harder to find Bruce after he disappeared? Could she had consoled Clint, and prevented his current rage? What could she have done differently? Should she have been better? She didn't have the answers. She only had regret and pain and sadness. 

And when the rain stopped and the wind died down, she gathered her things. Wiping at her face she took a deep sigh and began walking. It was time to go back to the group. To gather them and device a plan. It was time to start cleaning up the mess that the snap had left behind and hopefully figure out how they cold fix it all together. Find a way to turn back time. And to get back their friends and everyone else that was lost. Not to mention all the flora and fauna that the snap had obliterated. Species that suddenly went extinct, due to the numbers being cut.  
They really needed to fix what Thanos had done to them and the entire universe, because they deserved better. And Natasha wanted her friends back.

She knew deep down that she had done everything she could, but now it was time to do even more.

**Author's Note:**

> I know Tony is not lost in the snap, however I assume that they do not know this right after the snap. And I tried to mention only those that Natasha knew before it happened.  
> I hope you liked it!


End file.
